I’m starting to regain my energy and concentration. I’m slowly starting to recognize my reflection in the mirror. I’m sleeping better with fewer nightmares. I feel stronger. Physically and mentally. I feel healthier. I even sometimes feel happy. Although it only comes in glimpses – yet.

I’ve completed all my sessions with my therapist. I’ve attended the yoga classes I signed up for three months ago, and I’m so glad I did. Yoga helped me reclaim control over my body, which had become a reflection of my chaotic and battling mind.

I’ve gotten back to journaling – even though it’s just a few sentences per day. Progress! I feel more thankful and less like giving up on everything. I’m slowly getting back in the driver’s seat of my own life, although I may still lose my way and make several detours.

As of next week, I’ll be back in Seoul where I hope to continue this progress. My therapist taught me that grief and life are two parallel tracks where at first, you walk in the grief track and make occasional visits to the life track. My goal is to walk in the life track and make occasional visits to the grief track, which I know will run next to me forever.

I once read that in order to be happy a person needs 1) someone to love, 2) something to do, and 3) something to look forward to. I’m slowly working my way towards that. I have people to love (especially those I can no longer see), I will soon have something to do, and I’m looking forward to being back in Seoul and meeting all my wonderful people there, sharing all the laughs and tears.

All morning I’ve been listening to Urban Zakapa’s new single 서울 밤 Seoul Night. It reminds me so much of my best friend. He was the one who taught me to love this band, and whenever they released a new single he would always send me a link and tell me to listen. He would have loved this one!


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