Warning: May contain large doses of sarcasm. Not to be taken 100% literally 🙂 I consider myself a pretty modern, high-tech, new-world-embracing kinda gal. I’m all for new technology that […]
Warning: May contain large doses of sarcasm. Not to be taken 100% literally 🙂
I consider myself a pretty modern, high-tech, new-world-embracing kinda gal. I’m all for new technology that now connects us to anyone anywhere at any time, and I have several apps installed on my phone for that exact purpose. Skype, Whatsapp, Line, KakaoTalk… Wait, did I say KakaoTalk? Yes, though globally available, this seems to be THE most popular chatting app in Korea. You cannot go out of your house without instantly hearing the annoying, cuts-through-your-bones, signature KaTalk chirp from someone’s phone.
For Koreans, texting is the preferred method of communication. Forget phone calls, people will just have a long chat going on KakaoTalk instead. And here’s where it gets tricky. To unknowing foreigners, the KakaoTalk app (or KaTalk as Koreans call their go-to communication tool) can be a true landmine field of unwritten rules, secret etiquette and, well, pure hell. Even the sanest person will, with time, be driven mad by the KaTalk paranoia that follows from the frequent use of this app.
Don’t be fooled by the seemingly innocuous emoticons with names like Frodo, Peachy (who’s really just a bare butt – I mean you are you kidding?!), and Ryan. There is nothing cute about these little minions what so ever. They are just designed to make you captivated by their cuteness, so you don’t realize that you’re gradually being pulled into a dark underworld that will continue to mess with your brain.
Koreans probably learn how to do this in school, in fact, I’m confident that they even attend private academies after hours to learn how to torture each other with this devilish app. Here are a few examples of such torture:
Being in the middle of a chat back and forth with someone when the messages just stop coming in. You then notice the little yellow “1” which indicates that the other has not “read” your message. Sure they have, they just don’t want to reply right now, and now you are left wondering what suddenly came up that was more important. You can literally go from exchanging hilarious emoticons one moment to deadpan silence the next. Here’s where it get’s tricky. You are now left with two choices. A sane option, and an option that will slowly drag you into a slavery where KakaoTalk and your conversation partner are the only omnipotent masters. Curious what they are? The sane person will assume that there’s a reasonable excuse, leave the chat themselves, move on with their life, and not give it a second thought until the other one decides to return to the chat (note: this may take days). The dark road (which sadly turns out to be the road most traveled), involves obsessing over the fact that they did not reply, constantly checking in on the chat to see whether or not the message has been read, and if you are really out of the good graces of the KakaoTalk gods, you’ll notice that your message is being read while you’re still in the chatroom, and a reply ticks in before your clumsy fingers hit the escape button. Your chatting partner will notice that the yellow “1” on their side disappears the moment they send the message. Congratulations, you are now a desperate stalker with no life. You may as well walk out on the nearest bridge spanning the Han River and throw your phone into its muddy waters.
Receiving the “Hey~~~~” message with absolutely no follow-up. Koreans love adding a ~ after everything. It conveys the same meaning as when we write “heeeeeeyyy”. Whatever you do, do not fall for this one! It’s a trap (the KakaoTalk version of emails from Nigerian princes) with the sole purpose of luring you back into the dark realm of KakaoTalk agony. If you reply with “hey, how are you?” you can be absolutely sure that your message will go unread and/or unanswered for anywhere between 5 and 48 hours. Especially if you respond with a question mark. Obsessed-Ville population: You!
The much-dreaded “read, no reply”. You’ve finally started thinking that the KakaoTalk gods have forgiven your sinful ways and agreed to again look upon you with mercy. You’ve been having a fun ongoing chat for hours, and without thinking about the constant power struggle that you know constantly lurks under the surface, you send off a breezy message. A few minutes later, you see that the yellow “1” has disappeared = they read your text. Not again wanting to be labeled as a stalker by your judgmental subconscious mind, you hurriedly exit the chat (something you’ve even practiced doing when mindlessly playing with your phone) – crisis averted. And then you just wait. If they read it, surely they’ll respond within seconds. You then realize that ten minutes have passed. Still. No. Reply. Please refer to example #1 for available options.
If you’ve already been dragged into this mess as an ignorant foreigner, I feel your pain. If you’re not yet caught in this vicious web, here’s some useful advice for staying sane when navigating the KakaoTalk world.
Exit a chat room the second you send a message and never expect a reply.
If you don’t want to feel ignored, avoid sending messages that end in a question mark and therefore justifies expecting a reply.
Tell yourself that the outside world is much more important, leave your phone indoors and go for a walk.
Take your time responding to a message. Think about if this really requires a response. (If you have just a shred of evil in you, you might even enjoy the thought of leaving them out to dry.)
Suggest calling each other instead. Oddly enough people consider it rude to just hang up the phone, but not rude to just ignore the last message in a chat.
Do any of you have any experiences like those mentioned here? Do share!
I'm a Danish girl living in Korea teaching economics at Sogang economics. When I'm not working I love to learn Korean, discover this beautiful country, read and blog about my experiences and thoughts. Follow me at www.sofietokorea.com :)
Omg the whole stalker situation is like my everyday life..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha! Oh no…
Kakao is a cute and dangerous version of WhatsApp. And the emojis cost you, unlike WhatsApp, you are tempted to spend a fortune because everyone else has the cutest stickers!!!
My question is, I could be having a great convo and people always leave my chats, it always says, “This user is no longer available for chat.” Drives me absolutely insane, they act completely normal and then radio silence, leaving the chat. It happens every time and I wonder why. I wouldn’t do that to people.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience. This is the KakaoTalk version of ghosting. Does it happen with people you know in real life or people you meet online?
Hmm..not too much
Why do they do this? I just had the same experience!!! We’ve been chatting everyday for more than a month and he suddenly didnt reply anymore. I tried to chat him again but he just left me on read. I’m so confused ㅠㅠ
That happened to me twice and I ended up questioning the whole conversation and myself. If I did or say anything wrong… it makes me feel so bad to experience that. I think it’s something Koreans do then. I am glad I was not the only one at least 😥
I just had an experience… haha
I wonder what is going to happen next, as I said Goodbye but bitterly regret of saying that as I miss him.
He will probably wont reply until I say hi, because if I know him well it is too much disrespect my will and also leave his pride aside.
this is so fucking funny omg
OMG… THIS IS SO RELATEABLE!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Someone from 2020 is reading this post. I met him yesterday but gave me few replies today, he didn’t even reply on my last message. I hate why life is like this hahaha! So cruel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha I am telling u guyz. The same thing happened to me I chatted with this guy for like 2 Months!! And suddenly he ignored all my messages( yes he read them but never replied) so yeah half heartedly i Left the chat. Yes this happens like everyday. I think Koreans just like to chat with Koreans only. They r now probably bored by talking with 100’s of foreigners in one day XD
Hey! Sophie I’m so glad I stumbled across this article because I have stumbled upon this behavior my self not too much but I definitely find myself doing this because in a America we don’t do that really at all lol so it annoyed me to no end THANK GOD I found thiss !!!!!!!
It’s 2022 and I have been going thru this for 7 years now and I will never ever understand. The few first times it was like a heartbreak. I was so depressed for months. It’s happening again. I am rather angry than depressed, but yeah I still have that feeling : what did I do now?
You put time and effort to this person and just like that they just ghost you. And there is no way to know whether they are online or not. Idk why I keep on going down the same path.
Omg this happened to me with a Chinese man. I felt like a complete stalker and began acting obsessively (sending endless messages which he read but never responded).
Seriously, there is some lack of empathy in Asian genetics that we will never understand. We are just different and to us, this is incredibly cruel, heartbreaking behaviour.
This story causes pain in me today when I think of it: this guy wanted a serious relationship with me and we were incredibly close.
Then the ignoring ghosting ….
It has traumatised me severely
Take care I guys
Omfg! I have this Korean man talking with me for 7 months, acts like my boyfriend then suddenly disappeared, may he RIP.
Well I guess I’m the only guy in here my case happened with a Korean woman. After 4 years of friendship and common interest with online gaming and common friend circles we decided to date eachother as we were both single this year 2022. First 3 months of dating were heavenly and I booked flights to go see her and she was thrilled. Fast forward to these last two weeks and nothing but fights instigated by her insecurity, need for control, and inability to devote anytime for me anymore. She began getting home at 12am every night and leaving to work 1 hour early. After two arguments of me just trying to find out what changed so fast in the last two three weeks she was head over heels for me. She now treated me like a distant friend. The last words she said to me on video call is that she loved me very much and that things are ok. After that call I never heard from her again. It has been 4 days now. I have some kind of hope of closure but she refuses to read any of my messages I left three days ago or answer any calls I made I few days ago. I am stuck with a $1200 ticket 🎟️ for three weeks to Seoul. I am torn apart. Empty. I feel as if my heart has been ripped to pieces and stepped on. I have all her gifts she sent, snacks, jewelry, handwritten letters of love. It’s all so hard to process. Please respond to this if you Read it I appreciate all for taking the time to read this.